


It Comes In Waves

by letloveconqueryourmind



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Drama, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Love, M/M, Romance, Shiro - Freeform, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), alternative universe, troubled
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-04 20:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15154796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letloveconqueryourmind/pseuds/letloveconqueryourmind
Summary: Keith has been struggling with mental illness for a while now, and Lance -- a close friend and occasional booty call -- tries to help him all he can. However, when Keith meets the handsome and more mature Shiro, his interests suddenly shift, putting his friendship at stake and sending his anxiety sky high.➵ ➵ ➵there is a swelling stormand i'm caught up in the middle of it alland it takes control of the person that i thought i wasthe boy i used to knowbut there is a light in the darkand i feel its warmthin my hands, in my heartbut why can't i hold on?(dean lewis - waves)➵ ➵ ➵





	1. it's always darkest before the dawn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [evilstoryteller](https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilstoryteller/gifts).



> (Thank you for the perfect summary, Jon <3)

He watched the water running over his hand for what seemed like ages before turning the faucet off. As soon as he did it, the blood started pouring out of his knuckles once more, dripping on the white sink already stained red. He thought about washing it again but, instead, just grabbed a towel and wrapped it on his right hand.

He was supposed to be feeling something... He should be feeling at least some pain, or regret, but it was all empty inside. His attempt to break free of the numbness he felt only left him with a broken room to clean after; he knew it would probably bug him later, but now he didn't really care. The world could explode and take him with it.

Sitting on the bathroom floor, he stared at the wall. A mosquito walked in circles, seeming a little lost. That was exactly how he felt. Like he was going in circles not knowing what to do or where to go next in order to break the cycle. Was that all there was for him? He was tired.

He checked the clock: it was almost five in the morning. He stood up and dumped the towel on the sink, deciding he should try and get some sleep. His steps were slow and uncertain, like someone who's walking just for the sake of it. He grabbed a cup of water and headed to his room; the bed was unmade and had pieces of furniture and broken decoration all over it. He simply pulled the sheets and threw it on the floor, sitting directly on the mattress. Two sleeping pills after and he laid down, closing his eyes. Maybe when he woke up life would suck a little less.


	2. why is everything so heavy?

_Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump!_

The noise entered Keith’s dream and slowly brought him back to reality. It startled him so much that he felt temporarily lost in time and space, trying to figure out what time of day it was.

_Thump! Thump! Thump!_

He opened his eyes with a lot of effort, groaning as the light almost blinded him. His hand hurt and his sheets were stained red.

“ _Yo, Keith!_ ” he heard a distant voice calling, then another chain of thumps. It was the door, of course. Maybe if he ignored it the person would leave… But no, the noise continued. Someone was ballsy enough to keep insisting this way when he clearly did _not_ want to answer. Fueled by anger, he got up and walked to the door with loud steps. When he opened it, he found the one person who could be this annoying; the last person he wanted to see.

“The fuck you want, Lance?” he asked rubbing his face, trying to wake up completely.

“Rude,” he heard back. "Also, where are your pants?" The boy pushed past him and entered his apartment, putting the plastic bag he was holding on the table.

“I mean it. I’m not in the mood today-” he started, ignoring the fact that he was, indeed, not wearing pants.

“I brought food,” he interrupted, opening the bag and setting the plates on the table. When Keith sighed and opened his mouth to answer, Lance spoke again. “It’s just lunch, ok? I’m not proposing to you. Care to join me?”

He closed the door and sighed one more time before accepting the offer and joining the boy on the table. Keith quickly looked at the clock on the wall and discovered it was 2:37 in the afternoon.

“Isn’t it a little late for you to bring me lunch?” he asked, inspecting the burger and fries in front of him.

“It is. And yet… you accept,” Lance answered with a smug smile and a victorious expression.

“Whatever,” he murmured, taking a couple fries and stuffing it in his mouth.

“So… What happened to your hand? Did the walls fight back last night?”  

“It was nothing.” Denying things never worked on Lance, but he tried it anyway.

“Wow. ‘Nothing’ makes a shitload of noise, then, huh?” Keith didn’t answer, keeping his mouth purposefully occupied with food. “My apartment is right under yours, you know? I _hear_ stuff,” he added.

For a few seconds all they heard was the sound of a tree tapping on the window. He wasn’t planning on explaining anything, but Lance stared at him so intensely waiting for a response that he felt compelled to say something.

“It was the same as always, ok? You know the deal,” he answered against his will. There was absolutely no mood for a heart to heart, but he was certain that Lance would bug him until he said what happened, so it was best to just take it out of the way.

“Man, you can’t… You can’t keep doing this.” He regretted taking another bite of the burger, ‘cause now he felt a bump in his throat and it was hard to swallow. He got up and went after a cup of water. “Keith, destroying things and hurting yourself every other day is not the way to live...”

“And how do I live, then?” he asked. He originally intended to sound a bit sarcastic, but his voice cracked and the question came out looking sadder than he wanted. Good thing he was leaning on the sink and facing the wall, so he wouldn’t have to see Lance’s stupid pity face.  But the answer never came, which proved that no one _knew_ how to live, and yet everyone wanted to tell him what to do. “See, you don’t know shit.” He turned to face the boy and found him closer than he expected, just a couple feet away from him and still approaching. “What-” he started, but Lance reached the place where he stood and, without hesitating, pulled him in for a tight hug. He stared at the floor for a few seconds, surprised, but before he realized he already had his arms around him as well.

“I know it sucks. And I know it’s hard. But you will be fine, Keith.” He suddenly felt his chest grow heavy and his eyes burn. In Lance’s arms he felt momentarily safer; almost… well cared for? It was nice to feel him this close, to feel his hands caressing him like someone who’s comforting a loved one…

“Lance?” he called, taking his face out of the boy’s neck and looking at his eyes.

“Yes?” he heard back.

“Help me _feel_ something, please.” Lance just nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. Keith felt a hand on the back of his neck and another on the hem of his underwear, and before he knew it Lance’s lips were on his, as familiar, soft and sure as they’ve always been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! The chapter is a bit short, I know, but I'm trying to write "consistently" and I thought that maybe you guys wouldn't mind shorter chapters if it meant faster updates... What do you think?  
> Also, please tell me your thoughts on what we have so far! Do you like it? Any comments?  
> Hope to see you again next time <3


	3. nice to meet you, where you been?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith is back, tell a friend.  
> There's nothing big happening yet, but bare with with me you guys.  
> Hope you like it <3

The water was so hot it almost burned his skin, but he liked it that way. Showering  was how he put his thoughts in place, how he relaxed and calmed himself after feeling agitated. Lance had left about half an hour ago, after insisting nonstop that Keith joined him on the weekend for some family gathering they both would probably hate. The answer was no, of course. There was no reason why he should go; they were not a couple, nor would they ever be. Keith didn’t want to give him hope, even though he knew that was exactly what he was doing every time he and Lance hooked up. But he couldn't help it, since it was one of the few things that still provoked some sort of reaction from his brain and made him feel something other than numbness.

Finishing his shower, he got out and stopped in front of the mirror, but two seconds later he had already moved on to the bedroom. Keith looked so tired and miserable that he couldn’t stand seeing his face longer than necessary. His chosen clothes were the same as always: shirt, jeans, converse all stars and a jacket. While combing his still wet hair, he heard a phone ring. It was low and distant, probably lost somewhere obscure in his room. He found it under the bed, next to a bright blue shirt he was certain was not his. If Lance’s shirt was still there, then it meant he went home wearing one of Keith’s… Which meant he had a reason to come back sometime soon. If it was on purpose or not would remain a question, but he didn’t care right now.  _ Whatever. _

“What” he answered the phone like it was extremely offensive to call him, even though he had given his number to a few people. “No, I’m not coming. I told you already-” he was cut off by a very angry girl, but he just took a deep breath and rubbed his face in annoyance. “I don’t care, tell them I have a disease or whatever,” he insisted, now grabbing his wallet and keys and turning his lights off. “Yeah, I know Lance confirmed but we are separate people, Katie, I-” he sighed again, trying his hardest not to be an asshole and tell her off. “ _ Please _ , just let it go… I’ll see you some other time, okay? I have to go now. I’m sorry.”

He put his phone in his pocket and took a second to breathe. Katie was adorable, but there was no way in hell he’d go to a reunion with people he couldn’t care less about. Instead, he decided to go hang out at the diner down the street, where he could organize his thoughts and have a nice meal without being bothered. It seemed that everyone wanted him to come to parties and get-togethers lately, but, apparently, he wasn’t allowed to say no without creating a whole lot of unnecessary drama. But this was his day off, so he would just chill and try to enjoy the night while not thinking about things that made him feel like crap. He thought a little bit more and decided to leave his phone; he wanted peace, and Lance would probably call him fifteen times until finally accepting he would not go to Katie’s.

Leaving his apartment building, Keith felt a warm breeze on his face and closed his eyes for a second. It was nice to be outside. The sky was already turning dark blue, but it was still possible to see shades of orange and purple on the horizon. He walked slowly, enjoying the three minute trip to the diner as much as he could. It was unusual for him to feel so okay about leaving home and going somewhere. Arriving on the diner, he took the farthest booth from the door. The place was kind of full, but apparently no one liked to walk that much to get a table. 

“Hey! So you  _ do  _ come here still,” he heard a few minutes later as a blonde girl smiled awkwardly at him.  _ God, not her… _

“Oh, hi… er…” He didn’t remember her name. Was it Cassie? Carly? Casey? In his defense, it had been several months since they hung out, and he wasn’t too worried about asking her name more than once.

“Hayley,” she informed. Yes, Hayley, of course. “It’s nice to see you again, Keith.” She was obviously trying very hard to be cool and nonchalant, but her tapping the pen on the notepad in her hand made it clear she wanted to be anywhere else.

“You too. I thought you only had the morning shifts…?” He’d been avoiding the place before dark ever since they hooked up; Keith had enjoyed it, but he somehow never managed to contact her again after leaving her house at five a.m. without saying goodbye.

“A girl’s gotta eat” she answered shrugging. “What can I get you?”

And, twenty minutes later, Keith was blessed with a large plate of roasted beef with mashed potatoes and broccoli. Hayley never came back to his table, probably passing it to someone else. After eating, Keith thought about looking at his phone and maybe listening to some music, but then remembered his previous decision. It was okay, though, as he would simply enjoy his time alone.

“Cool tattoo, man!” Or not.

“What?” he asked, turning to the direction of the sound to make sure they were actually talking to him. A tall guy, wallet and cellphone in hand, towered over him smiling.

“Your tattoo,” he pointed to Keith’s arm, “I really like it.” There were a lot of tattoos on his arm, but he knew exactly which one the stranger had pointed to without even looking. It was the big one on the inside of his forearm: a colorful lion being abducted by an oval alien ship. He’d heard comments about it many times before, usually inquisitive ones about the meaning of it.

“Thanks,” he answered, lifting up his head and getting a good look on the man’s face.  _ Damn, he’s handsome _ . Strong jawline, defined eyebrows and dark eyes so focused on Keith that it made him keep talking. “I- I actually did it myself...”

“What?? You mean the drawing?” The man seemed impressed. He took a closer look and leaned on the table, hand on his hips.

“The whole thing, really. It’s kind of my job,” Looking even more impressed, the stranger murmured a ‘ _ no way! _ ’ and squeezed on the bench in front of Keith, dropping his things on the table and holding his chin on his hand.  “Yeah… I thought about this a couple months back, and, since I was still learning and it was a different style for me, I just used my own arm as canvas,” he explained. Keith gave a small smile; seeing the man so interested in something so common was kind of funny, but in a good way.

“This is incredible, you’re amazing at this.” Keith found it a little exaggerated, but it was a compliment nonetheless and he would gladly take it. The man kept smiling at him, not breaking eye contact. Suddenly, his face lit up and he sat straight. “Would you do me?”

‘ _ Hell yeah I would _ ’ Keith wanted to answer, but they barely knew each other and he didn’t want to make potentially embarrassing jokes. Yet. He cleared his throat instead and took a sip of the long forgotten glass of lemonade he had been drinking.

“Sure,” he searched his pockets for a card and offered it to the man, “just stop by.” 

“Wonderful, thank you” he heard back. He smiled, not really knowing what else to do, and finished his lemonade. The man stood up, offered a hand and smiled. “I’m Shiro, by the way. Nice to meet you.” Keith shook his hand, and, before he could say his name, the man had already turned on his heels and started walking away.

What an awkward, awkward conversation. Keith shook his head as if to get rid of the awkwardness, but the thoughts remained. Why was he so bad at interactions? Good lord, it was just a person asking about something. He dealt with people everyday, but somehow he still had trouble communicating without feeling like a failure. He wanted to leave now, but the thought of being alone at home made him uneasy. He didn’t have another option, though, as he refused to go to Katie’s stupid reunion and he couldn’t think of anywhere else to be, really. He decided to go home anyways; or maybe he should go look for that sad stray cat he fed every other day. If he finally give it a home, then they could be miserable together. That sounded cool.


End file.
